I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
