So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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