shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i think i have herpe
just one?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
