keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize