Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
