If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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