i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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