when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize