I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
me + whiskey = a bad person
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
