I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
