Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
