Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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