you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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