i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize