Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
