I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
