I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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