Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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