Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize