Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
