Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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