How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
