I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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