I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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