He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I want her autograph on my taint
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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