I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
