If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
