i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
