plz talk dirty to me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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