I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
