i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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