I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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