We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
