He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
