Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
