If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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