Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My nipple is on Facebook.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize