and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
