If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
