This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
