i just wanna soil my oats bro
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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