The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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