Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
