I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
