im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ok first of all what the fuck
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