birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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