I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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