her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
