new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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