yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
