What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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