I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
