Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
