What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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