I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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