Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im holly from the hills drunk
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think people are normalizing furries
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize