I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
