I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
