Swine flu. Run for my life!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
