The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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