I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
