i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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