she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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