No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize