I wish I could teleport
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
