Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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