what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
