Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
