Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
