Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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