So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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