well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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