I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
