I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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