Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize