You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
