ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
