U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
