I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize