No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love you. Go after that dick
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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