i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
