That's intense
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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