how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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