im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
