I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
