i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
