Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
