New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
