I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
