Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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