margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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