I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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