moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize