I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
