Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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