She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
