This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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