I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
