I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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