I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
