I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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