like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize