So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
