She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
