My brain says no but my pants say off.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
