carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
