All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
