be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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