If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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