We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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