Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
